Guest blog post by Amanda Robinson, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S

Parenting is a learning experience, filled with both rewards and challenges, and it becomes even more nuanced when you’re raising a highly sensitive child. Highly sensitive children (or HSCs) experience sensory information like sights and sounds more intensely than their peers, and are therefore more easily overstimulated, leading to distress and meltdowns. They also tend to struggle with transitions, rigid thinking, and perfectionism. While the exact cause is still unknown, we know their central nervous systems may literally be wired differently!

If you sometimes find it emotionally exhausting to parent your HSC, I promise that’s 100% normal. You’re human too (and perhaps you’re even also highly sensitive!), and this journey can be draining. Fortunately, with the right support and strategies, you can help your child grow this sensitivity into a superpower.

Strategy 1: Remember the Good

I know this can feel tough when you’re at your wits’ end. However, noticing the strengths that HSCs bring to the table can open up more room for compassion and problem-solving. HSCs often deeply empathetic. They’re observant and insightful. They also get passionate about important causes, and connect strongly with their loved ones.

Strategy 2: Return to Toddlerhood (sort of)

Remember when your child was a toddler, and you plied them with meals or snacks every 2-3 hours to prevent hangry meltdowns? It might be worth revisiting this routine, no matter how old your child is now. HSCs are not only more sensitive to the external environment, they can even be more reactive to internal stimuli like hunger - though they may not even realize that’s what’s needed! 

Other strategies used during toddlerhood that may help now:

• Implement daily quiet time: They don’t have to nap of course, but quiet time does help recharge their battery
  

• Burn some energy: Movement relieves anxiety, so it’s important to get your HSC moving plenty
  

• Get some sunshine: The indoors, with its big screens and irritating sounds, can be overstimulating, while the outdoors provide a soothing effect

Strategy 3: Create a Calm Environment

You may have noticed that your HSC has a strong need for alone time. I recommend leaning into it as much as possible! Transform your child’s bedroom (or closet, corner, wherever they can feasibly have their own space) into a peaceful area, and encourage them to take breaks when needed. To learn more about calm corners, check out this blog post.

Some sensory suggestions:

• Sight: Clear away clutter, put up artwork they enjoy, and use soft white lightbulbs (creates a cozier feeling, whereas bright lights can be too intense)

• Smell: Have scented lotion handy, or offer to light a scented candle for them, if you’re comfortable

• Sound: Turn on a fan, sound machine, or soft music to muffle distracting noises

• Taste: Keep snacks handy (or gum/mints, if preferred)

• Touch: Arrange soft pillows, stuffed animals, and a blanket

Routines and structure are another aspect of making the environment calm. Predictability reduces anxiety and helps HSCs manage transitions more smoothly, whereas constant change and rushing is distressing. Post the family’s schedule where they can easily see it (if not yet reading, use pictures), keep routines consistent, and try to give advance warning about upcoming changes.

Strategy 4: Be Mindful with Discipline

One frustration I frequently hear from HSC parents is that following a big, emotional meltdown, the kiddo won’t tolerate any kind of “what you did wrong” conversation. Some will shut down and stop responding, and others will literally run away from the discussion. Conversations that force HSCs to take a hard look at their mistakes bring up a lot of shame. The idea that they’ve hurt others’ feelings or otherwise blundered can be too intense for them to face, so they protect themselves by getting defensive or shutting down. I promise – it’s an instinctual response, not an intentional one.

Bear in mind that they may not need the lecture in the first place! HSCs often have strong moral compasses. They make mistakes because stimulation and stress overwhelm their ability to cope, not because they’re confused about wrong vs. right.

However, that doesn’t mean I think you should skip rules and boundaries. Once your HSC has cooled off – and that may take hours – it may be more effective to focus on cooperative problem-solving (in a neutral voice) than to confront past mistakes.

Here are some examples:

• “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Let’s work together to get this cleaned up.”

• “I know screentime limits are hard. How can we make it easier next time?”
  

• “I trust you know what to do to make things better with your little brother. Let me know if you need ideas.”

Strategy 5: Educate Your HSC

Talk to your kiddo about being highly sensitive! Let them know it’s a valid personality trait, NOT a diagnosis. Make sure to emphasize the strengths that come with this temperament, so your child feels empowered, not saddled with challenges.

Here’s an example of how that might look…

“Today I was thinking about you and everything that makes you awesome, and I realized I think you may be a ‘highly sensitive child’! Do you know what that is? HSCs are really caring, artistic, and intelligent, just like you. There are also a few things they have some trouble with, like…”  

Another option is to show your HSC a child-friendly list of strengths and challenges and let them circle ones they relate to. Revisit the conversation during challenging times as well. Example: “Remember how we talked about HSCs being sensitive to lots of noise and chaos? I think that’s why your friend’s birthday party was hard for you. That wasn’t your fault.”

Strategy 6: Show Yourself a Ton of Compassion

Parenting an HSC can bring up a lot of feelings – exhaustion, frustration, confusion, and sadness. If you throw yourself into attempting to perfectly meet your child’s every need, you’re going to burn yourself out. Just as we want HSCs to understand that mistakes are normal and perfectionism is impossible – the same applies to parents, too! Therefore, if you’ve said or done things during challenging moments that you deeply regretted later, remember that those actions came from your own sense of overwhelm and distress. You deserve compassion, too.

Strategy 7: Embrace Other Resources

I’ve written a workbook designed to help HSCs manage their feelings and communicate their needs. All the activities are engaging and child-friendly to hold kids’ interests while they learn new skills! It's called The Highly Sensitive Child's Workbook: 50 Fun Exercises to Help Kids Feel Less Overwhelmed, Communicate Their Needs, and Thrive.

Other resources I recommend checking out:

Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work by Robyn Gobbel

The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them by Elaine Aron, PhD

Good Inside Podcast by Dr. Becky Kennedy

Parenting an HSC isn’t easy, but it provides opportunities for profound connection. The deep empathy, creativity, and intuition that HSCs bring to the world are invaluable gifts. By embracing their sensitivity and nurturing their strengths, you can help your child flourish.

About the Author

Amanda Robinson, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S is in private practice in Austin, Texas, where she provides therapy to children and teens with anxiety, trauma, and “big feelings.” She is also passionate about her work with parents and facilitates Child Parent Relationship Therapy groups.

Amanda is the author of The Highly Sensitive Child’s Workbook as well as Anger Management Skills Workbook for Kids. Her favorite ways to play include baking, writing, and being outside with her husband, dog, and baby boy.