Resources for Talking to Children About Racism
- Whole Child Counseling
- Jun 6, 2020
- 5 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
Conversations about race are not just for adults. Children notice racial differences much earlier than most people realize. As parents, educators, and caregivers, our role is not to shield kids from noticing race. Instead, we should help them understand it in healthy, respectful, and informed ways. Remaining silent about race does not keep kids “colorblind.” In fact, silence can allow harmful biases to grow without challenge (Children’s Community School, 2018).
If we want to raise children who value fairness, empathy, and justice, these conversations need to begin early, continue over time, and adapt as children grow. The goal is not to have one single “big talk” about racism but to weave small, honest discussions into everyday life so children can build both understanding and the skills to take action.
A great way to start is with the children’s book Something Happened in Our Town: A Child’s Story About Racial Injustice. This story provides an accessible narrative that encourages children to ask questions and think critically about fairness, history, and the importance of standing up for others.
When Do Children Notice Race?
Research shows that children notice and think about race far earlier than many adults expect. The earlier we begin, the more we can help children develop a strong foundation of empathy and fairness.
At birth: Babies notice differences in skin color (Kelly et al., 2005).
By 3 months: Infants prefer faces that match the race of their caregivers (Kelly et al., 2005).
By 2 years old: Children begin using race as a factor in explaining people’s behaviors (Hirschfeld, 2008).
By 2.5 years old: Racial biases can already form (Bar-Haim et al., 2006).
By age 4 to 5: Children may already have strong in-group preferences and stereotypes if no guidance is provided (Aboud, 2008).
By kindergarten: Kids often hold many of the same racial attitudes as adults, and these attitudes can remain stable without intervention (Kinzler & Spelke, 2011).
By age 6 and older: Children are capable of understanding more direct discussions about racism, fairness, and how to speak up against injustice (McKown, 2004; Rutland, 2009).
Tips for Talking to Kids About Race and Racism
Start Early and Keep It Age-Appropriate
You can begin introducing the concepts of diversity and fairness with toddlers. For very young children, talk about differences in skin color in a neutral and positive way. For example, “Our skin comes in different shades because of something called melanin, and all shades are beautiful.” As children grow, gradually expand the conversation to include history, discrimination, and ways people work for fairness.
Use Everyday Moments as Opportunities
Look for teachable moments in books, TV shows, playground interactions, or community events. If you notice a lack of diversity in a story or cast, ask, “What do you notice about the people in this show?” If your child sees an example of unfairness, ask, “What could someone do to help make this situation fair?” These conversations help children think critically without feeling lectured.
Name Race Openly and Respectfully
Avoid vague phrases like “we are all the same.” While we share many similarities, children also need to understand that differences in race and culture are real and important. For example, “People have different skin colors, languages, and traditions. These differences make our world more interesting and beautiful.” By naming race, you normalize talking about it and reduce discomfort around the topic.
Correct Stereotypes and Misinformation Immediately
If your child repeats a stereotype, do not ignore it. Respond with accurate information and empathy. For instance, if a child says, “Boys from that neighborhood are trouble,” you might respond, “That is not true. People from all neighborhoods and backgrounds can be kind or unkind. We do not judge people based on where they live.” Correcting in the moment prevents harmful ideas from taking root.
Share Stories of Resistance, Change, and Leadership
When talking about racism, balance the reality of injustice with stories about people who made a difference. Share examples of leaders like Rosa Parks, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and present-day advocates for equity. Highlight everyday people who speak up against unfair treatment. This helps children understand that change is possible and that they, too, can take action.
Model Inclusive and Anti-Bias Behavior
Children learn most by watching the adults in their lives. Show respect for people of all races, address biased comments when you hear them, and diversify the people and media in your life. If you read books, watch shows, or attend events, make sure they reflect a variety of races and cultures. Your behavior will speak louder than your words.
Create a Diverse Environment at Home and School
Representation matters. Fill your child’s bookshelf with stories featuring main characters from different racial and cultural backgrounds. Choose toys, puzzles, and art that show people of many skin tones. Attend community events that celebrate different cultures and traditions. These actions send the message that diversity is normal and valued.
Helpful Resources for Talking to Children about Racism
If you are looking for tips for talking to children about racism, I wanted to share this guest blog post by Julie Kratz about How to Talk to Kids About Diversity and Inclusion and this post is about teaching inclusion and kindness to children.
Table Talk: Family Conversations about Current Events
Your Kids Aren't Too Young to Talk about Race: Resource Roundup
Another engaging resource is the interactive BLM Reading Room. Click the picture below and then when you click on each resource in the picture, it brings you to video resource!
Helping Your Child Process News Coverage of Community Racial Trauma
When racial violence or unrest is in the news, children may feel worried or confused. The Disaster and Community Crisis Center at the University of Missouri recommends:
Limiting repeated exposure to violent images or news clips
Explaining events in a calm, age-appropriate way
Talking about the role of helpers, leaders, and community members who are working for change
Encouraging children to express their feelings through drawing, writing, or conversation
Remember, talking to children about race early and often does not create bias. Instead, it builds empathy, understanding, and the courage to stand against injustice. I will continue to add helpful resources to this page as I find them. Please share any useful resources you may have with me on instagram or facebook.
Scroll down to the bottom of this page to access the free resource library!
References
Aboud, F. E. (2008). A social-cognitive developmental theory of prejudice. In S. M. Quintana & C. McKown (Eds.), Handbook of race, racism, and the developing child (pp. 55–71). Wiley.
Bar-Haim, Y., Ziv, T., Lamy, D., & Hodes, R. M. (2006). Nature and nurture in own-race face processing. Psychological Science, 17(2), 159–163.
Children’s Community School. (2018). They’re not too young to talk about race! Retrieved from https://www.childrenscommunityschool.org
Hirschfeld, L. A. (2008). Children’s developing conceptions of race. In S. M. Quintana & C. McKown (Eds.), Handbook of race, racism, and the developing child (pp. 37–54). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
Kelly, D. J., Quinn, P. C., Slater, A. M., Lee, K., Gibson, A., Smith, M., Ge, L., & Pascalis, O. (2005). Three-month-olds, but not newborns, prefer own-race faces. Developmental Science, 8(6), F31–F36.
Kinzler, K. D., & Spelke, E. S. (2011). Do infants show social preferences for people differing in race? Cognition, 119(1), 1–9.
McKown, C. (2004). Age and ethnic variation in children’s thinking about the nature of racism. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 25(5), 597–617.
Rutland, A. (2009). The development of prejudice in childhood and adolescence. In T. D. Nelson (Ed.), Handbook of prejudice, stereotyping, and discrimination (pp. 247–265). Psychology Press.
